Chosen Family
What do you think of when you hear the word family? Do you think of your brothers and sisters, parents, uncles, and aunts? Or do you think of some of your closest friends, neighbors, or colleagues? For some, the word family is no longer restricted to biological ties or legal connections and instead includes the close-knit circle of friends and loved ones we bring into our lives. These people, who truly get us, stand by us, and fill spaces traditional family might not always reach are who we call “chosen family.”
Whether you’re navigating differences with your family of origin, seeking connections that feel authentic and affirming, or simply redefining what it means to belong, your chosen family offers a way to create a life that feels authentically yours.
What is Chosen Family?
Simply put, chosen family are the people you intentionally surround yourself with who feel like home. They may not share your DNA, but they understand you in ways that go deeper than biology. They’re the friends who show up for you when life gets messy, the mentors who guide you, or maybe even the neighbors who feel like soulmates.
For some individuals who are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community, those who have suffered family trauma, or those who feel unmoored, chosen family is a lifeline, offering safety, acceptance, and belonging in a world that isn’t always welcoming. Chosen family resonates with anyone who feels a gap between societal expectations of family and their lived experience—whether that’s due to differing political beliefs, estrangement, or simply growing into a version of yourself that no longer fits into your family’s mold.
Including Chosen Family in Your Holiday Traditions
The holiday season and other family-centric times of the year can feel foreboding for those who feel disconnected from their biological family. Chosen family can offer us a feeling of joy again and allow us to create meaningful traditions that celebrate authentic, loving relationships and values.
Reimagine the Holiday Visit
If visiting relatives is part of your tradition but connection with some family feels forced or uncomfortable, consider expanding your circle. Why not host a joint gathering of family and chosen family? A cozy dinner party or festive brunch may blend the best of both worlds. Your biological family might even find they relate to your chosen family in unexpected ways.
Make Time for a Chosen Family Celebration
Maybe your biological family traditions don’t resonate with you at all, or worse, make you feel unsafe. In this case, celebrate with your chosen family instead. Host a “Friendsgiving” where everyone brings a dish, have a game night in your comfiest pajamas, or even organize a holiday “kindness challenge.” Chosen family allows us the freedom to create moments that feel truly meaningful.
Everyday Togetherness Counts Too
Sometimes, it’s not about big events but the quiet moments—sharing a cup of coffee, streaming a favorite movie, or simply sitting in each other’s presence. These small rituals can be just as connecting and loving as traditional celebrations because they remind you of the connection and care your chosen family brings to your life.
Therapy for Finding Your Chosen Family in Charlotte, NC
Finding your chosen family can be invaluable. For those whose identities, lifestyles, or political beliefs might feel out of sync with their biological family, chosen family offers a sanctuary—a place to be wholly yourself.
As Rina Sawayama’s song Chosen Family reminds us, it’s not about shared bloodlines but about shared understanding: “We don’t need to share genes or a surname / You are, you are my chosen family.” This sentiment highlights the power of chosen family—it’s not something you’re born into but something you build with love and intention.
So this year, as you navigate family traditions, give yourself permission to expand the definition of what family means. Whether it’s a dinner party with lifelong friends, a brunch with your ride-or-die crew, or simply a heartfelt text to someone who matters, creating that chosen family, that family that truly embraces you and makes you feel whole, is something truly worth celebrating.
If you’re looking to connect with people who truly resonate with you and build a community where you can live authentically, I’d love to support you. Click here for a free 30-minute consultation.
I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.
Cheryl D. Perry MA LPCA NCC