How to Create Healthy Boundaries to Have a Happy Holiday
The holidays are a time of joy and celebration, an opportunity to spend time with loved ones far and near. While many of us cherish our family and friends, it can also cause us a great deal of anxiety and tension.
Let’s make this holiday season a little more enjoyable and a little less stressful. This may be the year you tell your inappropriate uncle, “Hey, I don’t want you holding my kids anymore,” or your overly involved aunt to not say anything about your body. It may be the year you tell your pushy grandparent to stop asking about having kids, or your sibling to cut it out with the comparisons between the nieces and nephews.
This is the year you create healthy boundaries.
Why are the Holidays so Stressful?
The holidays can be overwhelming.
Let me help you look forward to them again.
Maybe it's better to ask what isn't stressful about the holidays. Here are just some of the reasons we may stress more during the holidays:
Pressure to give, both in terms of gifts and time.
Feelings of obligation to show up to all holiday gatherings and be present.
Planning and organizing meals, to-do lists, shopping, clean up, etc.
The potential for intrusive and awkward situations at holiday parties.
Dealing with difficult family members.
Navigating uncomfortable conversations.
By taking steps to create healthy boundaries, we really can have happier and healthier holidays.
How to Create Healthy Boundaries
This time of year can be so heavy for some people because they know they’ll be spending time with relatives that make their skin crawl. I get it. When we try to enjoy the holidays, sometimes we can spread ourselves too thin trying to visit, gift, and share with our family, our partner's family, our friends, our co-workers, and everyone in between.
Remember, we need to spend time with ourselves too. In fact, this holiday season, give time to yourself. Work on being able to say, "I'm going to sit this get-together out, just spend time by myself, and take care of my mental health."
Of course, it may seem empowering for me to say it as a therapist, but for some others, it may be extremely difficult to say such a thing to a parent, an aunt, an uncle, a grandparent, or a friend. How can we make it a little easier to establish boundaries that prioritize your own needs and well-being, while still enjoying the festivities?
1. Understand what motivates you and what you really need.
Take a step back and assess what truly brings you joy during the holidays. Prioritize those activities and traditions that resonate with you and let go of the ones that feel overwhelming or stressful.
2. Practice setting boundaries.
Before the holidays even start, practice saying no to anything that may not align with your personal needs. Have some co-workers who want to go out after a late night at work, but all you really need is an early bedtime? Say no. Feel obligated to do another Sunday dinner with the in-laws? Say no.
3. Be consistent.
If you're flimsy with your boundaries, chances are they won't be kept. Try to stay firm. There will be pushback. There will be questions like, "Why aren't you coming? Do you not like so and so? You're breaking tradition!" Remind yourself of what you value most and why you're setting these boundaries in the first place. Keep to them.
4. If boundaries are broken, distance yourself.
Holidays are meant to be spent with people who love and respect you, not those who push your boundaries or disrespect you. If push comes to shove, remove yourself from the situation. This proves to yourself and others that you're taking your mental and emotional health seriously and will no longer tolerate people or situations that make you or your loved ones uncomfortable.
5. Prioritize yourself.
It may seem selfish to someone who's used to taking care of everyone else's needs before their own, but it's not. Spend some time with yourself this holiday season and remember this time is essential for your well-being. Take moments throughout the day to engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Whether it's reading a book, taking a bath, or going for a walk outside, prioritize activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul.
Therapy for Holiday Stress in Charlotte, NC
Guess what? It's ok to bring store-bought mashed potatoes to dinner. It's ok to opt-out of the family gift exchange. It's ok to drive all the way home instead of spending a night with your parents. And it really is ok to spend any holiday by yourself, your family or your community!
Setting boundaries is a true act of self-care, an act that preserves your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It allows you to really enjoy what makes the holidays special to you. If you ever need help finding what motivates you or remembering what brings you joy during the holidays, reach out. I'm here to help you alleviate that unneeded stress and anxiety and enjoy the season again.
Take care of yourself this holiday season,
Cheryl D. Perry MA LCMHCA NCC
I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.
