Grief: A Nonlinear Journey of Healing

You're probably reading this blog because you or a loved one is or has experienced grief. You may be searching for meaning to the emotions that are flooding you, or the changes you are seeing in that of your family member or friend. You may have read about the different stages of grief, ways you can cope, and things you can say, but it all still feels confusing and uncomfortable. 

I'm here to tell you all those feelings and thoughts are natural. 

Grief is a complex and deeply personal emotion that accompanies loss. It's a process that is still often misunderstood; as much as we want grief to follow a straight path from pain to acceptance, it doesn't. Instead, it's a journey filled with twists and turns, marked by various stages that may shift and cycle.

As uncomfortable, painful, and long (or short) as the journey may be, it's important to remember that your feelings are valid, your experiences are unique, and creating boundaries to protect yourself is essential.

Grief can be a long and confusing journey. Let me help you along the way.

Unraveling the Myth of Grief

Contrary to popular belief, grief is not a linear process with clearly defined stages. The widely known "stages of grief" model, popularized by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, suggests that individuals move through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this model can be a helpful framework, it's important to understand that grief doesn't adhere to a fixed timeline or path. People can experience these emotions in different orders and sometimes may revisit certain stages multiple times, over days or years.

Shifting and Cycling: The Ebb and Flow of Emotions

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all experience. And if it was, we wouldn't learn or heal as we need to. It's not uncommon for bereaved people to find themselves shifting between various emotions and stages. One day, you might feel a sense of acceptance, and the next, waves of anger and sadness could resurface unexpectedly. As painful as this experience may be, this ebb and flow is perfectly normal. While it may be difficult, embracing the fluidity of grief can help you navigate the complexities of your emotions without feeling overwhelmed.

But here's a question. How do we process our grief when we are surrounded by people who may have a skewed sense of how the grieving process works? How do we handle people's responses to loss? 

Making Room For Your Own Grief

Sometimes it's imperative to protect ourselves from further hurt while we are dealing with the complicated emotions of grief. In order to do so, we can try a few things.

Anticipate Unwanted Remarks 

When you're grieving, you will likely hear well-meaning but often hurtful comments such as "they're not suffering anymore" or "they're in a better place." While these words are intended to provide comfort, they can sometimes be ignorant. It's okay to feel conflicted about these statements, and you don't need to accept them as your truth. Try to remember: Grief is personal, and your emotions are valid regardless of what others might say.

Set Boundaries

During times of grief, it's crucial to prioritize our emotional well-being. This means recognizing when certain conversations or interactions are triggering or unhelpful. You have the right to set boundaries to protect yourself. If certain individuals consistently bring up topics that distress you or if their comments exacerbate your pain, it's okay to limit your interactions with them. That includes family members and friends. Instead, surround yourself with people who offer support and understanding. Don't hesitate to distance yourself from those who are insensitive or dismissive of your feelings.

Control Conversations

By "control conversations," I don't mean hijack all conversations. It simply means that creating boundaries extends to how you approach conversations about your grief.

You're not obligated to share your feelings with everyone who asks, and you can choose to participate in discussions that feel comfortable to you. It's okay to politely decline to discuss your emotions or to steer conversations in a direction that feels less triggering. Your mental and emotional well-being should always come first, especially as you heal through grief.

Therapy for Life Changes and Grief in Charlotte, NC

Grief is a uniquely personal experience, and there's no "right" way to navigate it. As frustrating as it may be, healing takes time, and your journey may be filled with twists, turns, and unexpected emotions. Embrace the river-like nature of grief, set boundaries that protect your emotional health, and surround yourself with individuals who offer genuine support. Through it all, know that you have the power to honor your grief in a way that feels right for you.

If you would like a helping hand in your journey through grief, please know I am here for you and would be honored to help. 

Take care,

Cheryl D. Perry MA LCMHCA NCC

I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.